Dear Jaycee

Dear Jaycee, 

I can only imagine what you're going through right now. I know that you're putting up a brave face by telling me that all is good. That what is important is you've asked for apology and that it was accepted. 

It is hard being your eldest sister because I feel your pain but I understand as well that I am not in a position to mend it for you. I wish I can make an appeal to make things right. But as an adult, we go through life's experiences with certain expectations. Inasmuch as I hope that you be always happy, there are moments that put us in a darker place. 

All five of you, my brothers, I had not been much around when you were grappling through life -- adolescence, school and other life choices. I had always been away because I chose to work, far from our family. Although I made it a point to always be home several times a year, it's just never the same. 

One thing that I've realized though is that I know that all of you understands that I am accessible, anytime. You can call me and we can talk, for as long as you want. However, I know also that among men words do not come as easily. 

In our talk today, I feel that there were some words that were left unspoken. Pain unacknowledged. Sorrow not admitted. Remorse  not confessed. Take your time to heal. There's no need to hurry. And should you find it helpful to share with me or to our other siblings, know that it is not unmanly to do so. 

I remember there was one time that you were crying your heart out because you broke up with your girlfriend...several years ago. We kept our distance. We gave you space. However, we teased you to no end but only when we knew that you were already over the heartache. 

The reason why it came to mind today is because I want you to know that all wounds heal even if it seems really difficult and impossible. Some fades fast, others take a little longer. However long it takes, know that it will come. And you can endure. Know why? Because you're made of sterner stuff. 

I was alarmed when your messages seemed goodbye. You told me to take care of our parents even if I already have a family of my own. Please... don't. I want you to be around far longer than what your heart desires, at this time. And know that you'll break our parents heart, especially Mama's. We owe it to her to be braver. She's faced too many storms for us. 

One day, you'll smile again. When that happens you'd look back with bittersweet memories. Know that whatever the season of your life is, we, your family loves you. We may not express it in so many words but know that we deeply care for you. 

If there's one thing that I can guarantee you, nothing is permanent. The wind may sway; situations change. Even goodbyes aren't forever. They can only be temporary setbacks. 

So, hold on tight. Together, let's find the rainbow in your gloomy sky. 

Love, 

Ate