Showing posts with label musings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label musings. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Gratitude



The every grind can be grueling. There are all sorts of negativity around us. And when we dwell on them, it sucks the life out of us. 

Today, I get reminded of this simple thought. I was looking for something else but this made me realize that when we wear the hat of a grateful heart, everything around us changes. 

Today, I am thankful that I am able to go to work. 
Today, I am thankful that I everything that I need. 
Today, I am thankful that God's creations remind me, nudge me to appreciate the beauty of life and not to dwell on what does not uplift... on what does not build character. 

I realize that it's an everyday conscious decision, amid the everyday struggle of our daily lives. When you hit a rough patch, you take stock of the things that you are blessed with. And then, you begin to wear an attitude of gratitude. 

What are you grateful for?

Xx

Sheng

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Changes

Change is constant. And change can be daunting. But change can also be exciting. 

This year is all about the constancy of change in my life. 

This year set a milestone in my married life. We've always wanted to have a baby but we thought that we could plan it. In our minds, the perfect time is when we have moved already to our own condo unit, when we have saved enough, traveled enough. But no, God surprised us one day when He smiled upon us and deemed us ready for a new responsibility, a new addition to our small unit. We're expecting a stork in the next 5 weeks! And we're expecting with bated breath. 


Summer of this year saw me transition to a new job which is really a welcome relief; like a breath of fresh air. I strongly believe that God's timing is always perfect. But I know that it can be difficult to hold onto this promise when you're in a rough patch in whatever area in your life. For me, the waiting was over a year. I went through the normalcy of showing up for work, delivering what is required, yet always, always pining for that new job I was praying for. 

When it came, it arrived in my doorstep so suddenly I didn't have time to blink. In a snap, my work responsibility and description changed. And I was never happier. God's appointment is always on time. 

With just weeks to prepare for the arrival of our baby, we moved houses. From a very tiny condo for two, we moved to a two bedroom unit in a neighbourhood that is suitable for families. It's not just the physical move that gives me the jitters but the thought of living with other people to help us raise our child. 

I came from a large family. Growing up, every space in our house is occupied by a sibling, a relative visiting or staying with us for a while. So, when it came for me to work on my independence, I struggled to live by myself, learn to fend for myself, and I learned to love living by myself. The occasional visit to the hometown was always treated us a vacation. So, the chaos and the noise were tolerated. 

This time though, I dread the day that I would have to constantly deal with others inside my home. In a week or so, the help would arrive along with my mom and aunt. Am glad that my mom and Tita have agreed to stay with me while I am adjusting to motherhood, raising a child, and entrusting my child's care to a stranger. 

I've also noticed the changing of the tides in my shopping pilgrimage to the mall. Now, I spend hours looking at small, cute items. I realized that buying practical stuff for the baby takes a lot of patience, thinking and bargaining. And the array of choices is crazy. We've made a habit of checking out online stores to find the cutest dress, hippest baby sweaters, the fanciest booties. But at the end of the day, we end up with basic whites with ties on the side, old school binders and mittens. Nothing beats the elegance of a white onesie, white booties, white mittens and white binders. 

We're reserving the splash of colours in our baby's accessories. Can't wait to decorate her tiny space in our tiny bedroom! 

The biggest change is yet to happen. When we hold the tiny hand of our little wee one, we begin the journey to parenthood... to being responsible for the shaping and nurturing a new life. Or has it already started the moment that tiny heart started beating inside my womb? 

Cheers to change!

Xx

Sheng




Wednesday, July 24, 2013

My two cents on being poor

I had an interesting conversation last night with friends Mara and Zhorai regarding illegal settlers. Both were born and raised in Manila but have distant relations in the province and I, the barrio girl. The discussion stem from recent social events that spurred commentaries on how urban illegal settlers should be treated. Of course, there are two opposing sides. 

My two cents on being poor. 

In this country, there are two types of poor citizens: the rural poor and the urban poor. The urban poor has a sub-type I call, the professional urban poor. 

Let me tell you a short story. I grew up poor. Rural poor. So I know what being poor means. My father is a salaried man who worked for one of the banana plantations in our province. We are the banana capital of the Philippines. 

Having said that, there are two things that are guaranteed in our life. As long as the banana leaves are green, my father has a job and there would be food on the table. We never found ourselves hungry, unclothed or uneducated because all of our basic needs can be had through the company my father and the rest of the hundreds of employees in the barrio work for. 

We had access to medical care, the simple ones are treated at the company dispensary. Consultation with the company physician is free, medicine dispensation is subsidized. Pharma samples were always handed out to patients who need them. Our medical history is neatly stacked in our folders in the clinic's filing cabinet. It only stops once you reach your 21st birthday -- dependent, no more. For hospitalization, we had access to the largest hospital in the city. We even have our private ambulance for emergencies. 

I've witnessed many families in the wee hours of the night call for ambulance while the neighbors crowd and willingly offer a helping hand. Everyone gets an access to it fast. Admittance is a cinch; just present your company ID. Letter of Authority to follow.  Discharge at the hospital regardless of the hospital bill is easy. The employee (either the husband or the wife) just signs the papers at the billing section. 

For a long good while, I naively thought that hospitalization is free. But when my parents incurred a hefty bill for my youngest brother's hospitalization I then learned that yes, we get discharged without paying the hospital but only because the company my father works for, guarantees it. But a great portion of that bill in amortized amount is deducted from his salary. 

Grocery, fresh produce, school supplies and even hardware supplies are available at a huge bodega where we just submit the list of things we need, signed by our parents and voila we go home with bags of goodies. For a while there, I thought we get them for free. Ha ha. I found out these too were deducted from my father's pay. 

With all the expenses we incur, it's no wonder my father's take home pay is just enough to pay for electricity, kids' allowances and other needs. No more extra cash for vacation or even trips to the city. 

Our barrio has a large public elementary school. Almost everyone's kids studied there including us. We had good teachers, nice classrooms outfitted with comfort rooms. No one did classes under the shade of a tree. We had a huge play ground with majestic acacia trees surrounding it. This frees all the parents the worry that comes from paying tuition. 

The big public high school is located outside the barrio. In fact the town is about 15 minutes away. So the company provides us a school bus. Not the cute ones that I see ferrying kids here in the metro. It's a huge bus that can load about a hundred kids to school. And we ride for free. Again, this frees our parents precious cash to dispense with. 

And yet, even with all these provisions the family income is just always enough. Sometimes less. You know why? The wages in the province is way below the income of those in the cities. 

But my family and those of my entire barrio never gave up. They just continue to work harder, tended gardens and saved for the children's college education. Because college is no longer free. And company scholarship is scarce considering the thousands of employees' kids vying for a slot.

It's the sort of picture growing up rural poor paints. 

Fast forward to early 2000s. I am already working with one of the biggest multinational companies in the country. My first area of assignment is Samar in the Visayas region. Samar is ranked as the poorest province in the Philippines. 

Source of livelihood is almost akin to my province -- agriculture. But theirs tended to be a farm-to-market type. Ours was export-oriented. Imagine the difficulties when crops are damaged during typhoons, droughts and everything else in between. 

I had my first glimpse of what being rural poor really means. When you don't have an organization to lean to in times of hardship, you have no one but you and the land. I've seen vast expanse of lands and yet the houses dotting them are way too small for a family of four or six or eight. Most of them are made from bamboo and thatched cogon for roofing. Imagine living in it whilst threatened by strong winds during typhoon season. Samar faces the pacific.


I met a struggling working college student who shared with me that the first glass pitcher they have used was a gift from Avon. Before that water is stored in an earthen jar. And in age where electricity is a need, their house is yet to be connected. 

Since then, I have learned to be truly thankful for my blessings. I cannot imagine how their other needs are met when the tough gets going for them. 

It's tough and heart breaking. Here are these families who work so hard to till the lands and yet they continue to struggle despite labor, diligence and perseverance. Not enough. And yet they don't blame the government for their plight. They just hope that someday a portion of the government coffer trickles to their community to build those much needed farm roads, community health centers and permanent health workers. 

Sad. But it's the stark reality. 

Now, let's talk about the urban poor. 

I believe most of them came from the province hopeful of greener pastures in the big city. Before leaving their lands, they must have fiercely believed that Manila will cure them of poverty. I know it may sound absurd but to us who lived in the far flung provinces, Manila has this mystified image as the land of plenty and opportunity. 

But we know that the disparity of whatever is aplenty is wide between the haves and the have-nots. And so it begins the vicious cycle of hopeful probinsiyanos arriving in the big city, shockingly dismayed and yet retains their pride by prodding on in spite of the odds. They are those who defy their situation by finding employment as construction workers, janitors, metro aide, and small entrepreneurs. They believe that time and odds that tip on their favor will lead them to a better life. And I salute them. For whatever occupation they have that requires their blood and sweat is to be admired. There is dignity in labor

My heart is crushed whenever I see how dire their situation is. They live in the dumps because they cannot afford to be anywhere else. 
 
One of the security guards in the building where I live collects and segregates our garbage. He salvages those that can be sold to the junk shop. He bikes to and from work. Yet in one of our conversations, I learned that his eldest daughter is married to an American and now lives in the US. But he still works hard and look for extra income because his other kids are still in college and high school. He could have taken the easy route and demand allotment from the daughter who is based abroad. But no. I don't think he is very poor but I would surmise that with his income he belongs to the poverty scale, as measured in the poverty index. 

Dignity of labor.

And then there's the professional urban poor. These are those who have been skilled, experts even in being awarded housing in re-settlements sites, sell the housing rights and go back to the slums. Repeat the cycle. Endlessly.

To the argument of Zhorai, it is absurd to fault them to think about the short-term benefit of this arrangement. They grasp at straws when it comes to what little comfort the measly sum can give them. And besides regardless of the amount they generate, it never amounts to anything. For the obvious reason that they are not financially literate. 

And it can even be said about the working professionals. So, it's really hard to expect our urban poor neighbors to make a fortune out of small change. 

I admire the organizations who look after the plight of the urban poor but I hate it when they insist that these illegal settlers must be provided for by the government with decent housing because it's the government responsibility. 

Please, they're not the only the poor in this country. While it is the government's responsibility to provide opportunities for employment and education, it is likewise the responsibility of these illegal settlers to understand that the owners of the land they borrowed have a right to get it back from them. I believe that our freedom is not absolute. It is limited by the rights of others.

I think we should not coddle them. It gives them a false sense of right and entitlement. What we need is for the government and the private sector to work together to design and implement a comprehensive plan that will provide equal opportunities for all -- and hopefully the scale will not tip too much to a certain sector of the society. 

Meantime, let's not indulge and encourage them to defy government efforts to be re-settled. What we need to do is ensure that they are built a functional community so that they do not get tempted to look for another empty land and illegally squat again.


Wednesday, March 6, 2013

'He's kicked the bucket'

Five years ago today, I wrote this entry on my multiply blog. To you uncle, know that you're still loved and remembered. On your death anniversary, you may have prodded me a little because I sought this out in the archives of the internet -- out of the blue. And only by checking the blog entry date that I am reminded that it's been five years since. 

***
I realized today how fleeting life is. I am so morose today as I contemplate on the mortality of man.
 
My uncle who seemed very healthy just died at dawn today. He had just came out of the hospital after a diagnosis of stage 3 cancer. 

I cried when his daughter told me on the phone; my cousin felt that in his last days he was able to mend his broken relationships. Among those people he had not spoken to in years was me. I remembered that it was one Christmas when he said something that hurt me. I didn't bear a grudge but pride got in the way. I thought to myself that if he wouldn't want to talk, fine with me. I was very indifferent. 

For some strange reason, I included him in my shopping list last Christmas. I sent my gift for him through his son on Christmas day though, he lives just a stone's throw away from me, in fact, just a house away from ours. Then on the eve of new year, he made a huge effort to invite us to share media noche in his house. We had fun and really a great time partaking of the roasted suckling pig. 

More than anything, what made it so great was the fact that we had taken down the walls between us. He hugged me tight and I hugged him back. His eyes were clouding with tears while I was choked with emotion. No word of apologies were needed between us. We both understood it was the only thing we needed.

I was his favorite niece and in spite of our differences when I entered adulthood, still he is my favorite uncle. He has left us on this earth mourning for our loss. I just hope and pray that he is going to a place where he will be happier and there is no more pain to pierce his ailing body. 

I didn't know how real it is when people say that death is like a thief in the night until today.You never know when it is coming. No appointments made prior to the visit.  I thought I still have ample time to see him again and converse with him just like what we used to do. 

So, we need to work so hard at building meaningful relationships. And that grudges should not be allowed to take over your life. For life is so fleeting. When the one we love crosses over to another world, it would be too late to realize their value in our lives. By then, we are already robbed of the opportunity to see the joy in their face when they're finally unburdened of the cross they are carrying. 

I am going to miss him terribly. I can only wish I could ease the pain of his passing with a good dose of crying. But I know it wouldn't be that easy. My only consolation is the knowledge that today, I have another angel who watches over me. He has joined my grandma in heaven. 

P.S. My Lolo shortly followed my Lola. 

When  am honest enough, I think of the missed opportunity to care and show my dear departed loved ones how appreciated and loved they are. It is my hope that each of us take extra effort for the loved ones that are still with us today. For life is mercifully short and death comes like a thief in the night. 

XX

Sheng